Learning to Breathe

I just need some space to vent my frustration which I have kept to myself this past month. I’ve been asking myself what went wrong, when it went wrong, and how it went wrong. He doesn’t contact me anymore. When I sent him a msg, his replies are cool & polite, unlike last time where they’re funny and adorable and makes me smile (stop it already).

Because I still don’t get it. The change is so abrupt. There is no moment I can exactly pinpoint and say, yes this is when he started to change. Tell me why, please.

My self-esteem is at its lowest point now. Now I know why people sing all those sappy love songs, about how they wait by the phone, how they wishing and hoping for that call. Now I understand. I feel like giving myself a good shake now, to get over him and move on. Please please, I don’t want to be like one of those people who keep going on and on about how miserable they are.

 So far I’ve managed to keep myself from msging him. I’ve managed to convince myself that: he needs some space, he has his own things to do, he’s busy, etc. But the truth is simple: he just doesn’t need me anymore. Worst-case scenarios I’ve come up with: he’s back with his ex, he found out he doesn’t like me as much as he thought he did, and oh, he might’ve found someone else too.

Hate this hate this. Hate all this confusion and uncertainty. The problem is, there is no way to find out what really happened, what really made us like strangers now unless I talk to him. And there is no way I will talk to each other if he doesn’t contact me. Cos all I have left now is my pride, and there is no way I will ask him out again. Yes I am lonely and I need him, but I am not that desperate.

Or am I?